Wednesday, 9 April 2014

The Machine

War is imminent. China is threatening to strike every day and, in the UK, developments at the MoD are underway to create true, self-aware artificial intelligence. Computer programmers Vincent and Ava are close to creating the ultimate being but everyone has their ulterior motives for the creation of The Machine.

Made in Wales (so I was a little biased already, being from Wales), this slow-but-tense burner builds through a good amount of character development without ever disadvantaging the storyline. It creates real tension as a power struggle between good (Vincent) and evil (the Mod) who both have their reasons for making sure that the creation of The Machine succeeds. This is also the first feature from director Caradog James and shows the full range of his talents - certainly one to watch for future projects.

Caity Lotz (Arrow, Mad Men) is fantastic as Ava, bringing two different but equally enthralling roles to the film. The whole cast, in fact, work well with the script and bring life and interest to the variety of characters on show.

If you enjoy sci-fi which breaks from the norm and doesn't go straight in to the crazy action but burn away nicely to a pulsating climax then this is the film for you. Rent The Machine. Bask in the talent that the British Film Industry has to offer and hope that this can set a good example as a break away from the current run of British made 'Gangs and Guns' films that seem to be churned out a a rate of knots at present. The future is indeed bright.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Trashy Trailers #16 - Zomboobies!


Truly brilliant! I cannot wait to see this bra-busting zombie lunacy!

American Weapon aka Blood Shed: An American Horror Story

Obnoxious twenty-somethings. A cabin in the woods. Lots (and I mean LOTS) of political rants about war and soldiers. A quick story about an escaped soldier/convict. Escaped soldier/convict appears for little reason and kills people. Escaped soldier/convict suddenly repents his sins. The End.

Yup, nice, short and simple and sums up American Weapon (aka Blood Shed) perfectly. I just wish someone had done this for me to save me from having to watch this awful film. Well, at least I've saved you from having to watch it now, which is something. I guess.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Bad Meat (2011)

6 kids are sent to a camp for delinquents to try and cure them of their unruly behaviour. Unfortunately a batch of tainted meat ends up on the dinner plates of the camp's sadistic guards, turning them into salivating monsters with a taste for human flesh. Sounds great right? That's what I thought when I sat down to watch this low-budget affair. Little did I know that what I was actually in for with Bad Meat was 90 minutes of sheer boredom and confusion.

What I found most interesting about this production was the pretty decent cast involved; Mark Pelligrino, Dave Franco, Tahj Mowry and Jessica Parker Kennedy to name but a few. All of the aforementioned cast are well known for different productions, indeed some, like Dave Franco, seem to be current flavours of the month, but this film (albeit only 3 years old) seems to have captured them all pre-fame and during a period where over-acting is the phrase that pays!

None of the cast are particularly likeable, so from the get-go you find you cannot root for anyone's survival. As previously mentioned, the acting is pretty poor across the board. For long periods of time very little actually happens (despite people dying/getting infected with goodness knows what (the reason for the bad meat is never explained)/monsters on the loose) half the characters sit around and chat and if they're not doing little they simply seems to wander round, nonchalantly walking into any room without a care for what may lie behind the closed doors.

Characters disappear with little to no explanation and the rest of the group simply carry on without worrying what has happened, the filmmakers rightly deciding that the viewing public will care little about them so why make a big deal of it in the film. By now you're probably thinking "Well, at least things can't get any worse" - Ha! How wrong you could be! Just when you think that you've devoted an hour and a half of your life to this tripe that you may as well see it out until it's conclusion, the film suddenly just ends, with no explanation as to what happened to the 5 or 6 characters that were left just a few seconds before. The director simply attempts (very badly I might add) to thrown in a 'surprise' ending and the film fades to credits and we, the viewers, are left feeling that watching that wet patch of paint on the wall drying might have been the better option after all ...

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Friday, 13 December 2013

Trashy Trailers #14

The ABC's of Death

26 letters, 26 directors. Ranging from the downright terrifying to the comically ludicrous with everything in between. That's the ABC's for you.


Thursday, 21 November 2013

Film: Microwave Massacre

Excuse the early posting this week, am away this weekend so wanted to get this out there now! Enjoy!

Donald (Jackie Vernon) is sick and tired of eating the gourmet crap his wife, May, insists on cooking for him each day. Whilst his work colleagues eat cheese and baloney sandwiches, Donald has fresh prepared crab. He's had enough. All he wants is normal food but his wife, and her new microwave, continue to churn out the hated posh food until one day Donald snaps and batters May to death. Chopping her up and placing the bits into his freezer, Donald is finally free from the posh nosh ... but he then gets a surprise when he accidentally eats a piece of May; the surprise being that he actually rather enjoys what he eats! So begins the Microwave Massacre ...

This 1980's straight-to-video horror/comedy (I really don't know how to label it, to be a horror it should at least have some horror in it; to be a comedy, it should really contain some funny moments!) is everything you expect from the lowest end of movie production from a period when anyone with a camera could produce a film and get it distributed via the all new medium of home video.

The script is slow and jumpy, often moving from one main plot point to the next with little to no explanation (the ending even requires one of the actors to explain to the audience what just happened in case they missed it!), the acting is pretty terrible across the board and it seems that whoever was in charge of the boom used this film as an opportunity to feature it in every other scene! There is the typical helping of 80's video-crap nudity to try and titilate the, no doubt, bored audience but even the natural 80's breasts on show don't make this a watchable film (except perhaps for the lovely Marla Simon, in her only film role as The Knothole Girl). The one thing that perhaps pulls this movie out from the mire it otherwise finds itself in is that no-one in this film takes themselves, the script on any other aspect seriously, which does allow for an obvious tongue-in-cheek nod and wink to the audience, however even this self-aware jocularity wears thin very quickly and we're soon left hoping the characters start taking things seriously again just to get to the end of the film a little quicker.

Microwave Massacre is certainly not the sort of film you'll be able to pick up from your local video store (oops, came over all 80's there for a minute!) but if you ache for 80's video nonsense and an 'anyone can make a movie' attitude, then you might at least want to hunt this down for nostalgia values alone, otherwise I suggest living in blissful ignorance that the worst that can come out of a microwave is a Tesco Lasagne for one.